Here’s why I should not be allowed to enter Hastings. When confronted with cool designer magazines and bargain DVDs, my willpower withers like a marshmallow tossed upon flaming coals and I will gladly spend my grocery money on these “necessities”. I was doing some shopping at Hobby Lobby, you know, crafts and such. Upon exiting, I felt the magnetic pull of Hastings, right next door, as though its very structure were composed of oppositely charged Drey particles.

The design section of the magazine sector was choked with slick European graphics magazines, AKA designer porn. I feel as if the mere presence of such a magazine near my computer will substantially increase my mad skillz. And then Cinefex decided to cram Sin City, Constantine, Revenge of the Sith AND Hitchhiker’s Guide into a single issue. Bastards.

I could have just made a break for the checkout aisle, but no, I completed a circuit of the entire store. Near the home stretch they have this new section of DVDs: Buy 2, get 1 for 1 cent. When I looked down, I was somehow carrying a copy of Sideways, The Life Aquatic and House of Flying Daggers (for about $7 each!).

At the checkout counter, I avoided the cashier’s gaze. I might as well have been buying a six pack of dildos and a tub of Vaseline. I then fled the scene, lest the temptation to reserve a copy of Harry Potter overwhelmed me (besides, I already reserved it on Amazon.).